Day 10: Fear of falling

Fear is only as deep as the mind allows.

Japanese Proverb

 

       

Captured moment by Kristine

      There I was on top of the sunny and cold Californian mountain. Sweaty palms, breath divided into half a second intervals, heart pumping a million beats per second, and a tingling sensation coursing through my body. 

“What have I gotten myself into? How the hell will I get down this mountain? They’re all going to laugh at me. What if I fall? What if I want to give up?”

    Those were the thoughts and physical feelings I dealt with today. All of which equal to one simple diagnosis:

FEAR

Today was the second time in my life I have ever went snowboarding. Anyone who’s ever been boarding and or skiing probably felt those fears when they first started riding.

My best friend Kristine has been my snowboarding teacher. She’s believed in me and had put me on the intermediate course during my runs. She believed in going big or go home.

Kristine got proof of one of my first attempts down the mountain.

I must’ve ate shit (falling on my ass) over a hundred times today. Screamed in frustration, and almost cried from wanting to give up. Going down the mountain today was the hardest thing I’ve had to face. I’m no athlete, I’m not used to cold weather, and I’ve never felt so scared in my life.

map of Bear Mountain slopes

I kept thinking to myself, ” Wow, humans are crazy. Why do we keep putting ourselves in situations that cause such anxiety. Over and over again?”. I’m guessing it’s the thrill of the adrenaline rush. I don’t blame anyone, because that’s exactly how the world works. Literally or figuratively it’s one of the ways you know you’re alive.

View from Kristine while she waited for me on the mountain

I formed a new perspective out on the slopes today. That clarity of the mind is directly connected to your vision of fear. Things become hard or unattainable when you start overthinking things.

For example, everytime I fell was the direct result of my hesitation. Everything became harder than necessary because I had convinced myself of failure.

However, I quickly had to figure out ways to kill my anxiety if I wanted to get down the damn slopes. Because the only way down is riding it out, or injury. Hell no there was no way I was gonna go out like that. However, the more I feared, the longer and harder it was for me to get back up. It wasn’t until I realized to stay calm that I was able to lean back and enjoy the ride.

So happy I could ride for a good couple of minutes

Our fears often complicate simple life decisions. This lesson could easily be applied in how we live our life. Situations only seem hard if you make it that way. By not facing our fears, we could be missing out on some amazing things. Isn’t that what taking risks all about?

I’m so proud to say, even though I know I’ll be sore as hell tomorrow, it was worth every second of it. It took me a while, but I’m ecstatic I’m alive and done with it. Don’t forget to live days like this.

Thank you to my best friend Kristine for being patient with me. I know I was harder on myself, but I’m grateful you were supportive the whole way.

Thank you for believing in me.

 

My best friend and snowboard instructor, Kristine.

A video by Kristine on when I started overcoming my fear.

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